I'm so fed up. Fed up with people, this place, my job(s). I'm just done. I'm spent. I don't have a clue where to go or what to do from here. I just hope I can catch a break soon...

I wish I knew how to handle this. I wish I knew what to say. I wish I felt like I knew how you feel about it. A big part of me is all about this and ready to move forward and be grown up and blah blah blah, but a small part is just like, "What the fuck are you doing!? RUN AWAY!" I'm just ready for something to make sense...

All we can do in life is fight; scratch and claw. We have two choices. We either listen to our doubters and live a life of regret and self-doubt or we use our doubters as motivation. The trick is to never get comfortable. Die fighting. Always use your haters and your elevators. Fight for what's right, what you believe in. Many good humans went to the grave without seeing the fruits of their labor, but they fought everyday.
One of these days, I will prove you wrong or die trying.


thanks for reading.

"I swore a long, long time ago I'd never put your name in a song. Turns out I was wrong. Jocelyn..."

I don't know why....

... I looked at your profile... all it did was make me cry. You were meant to be happy and I'm not. period. end of discussion. One of these days, they're gonna find me hanging by my fucking neck in my fucking closet.

"Just as light pours in the room, I saw it once, it disappeared, and so did you..."

I'm starting to go against everything I've ever believed I am. I'm starting to think the greatest day of my life will be the day my heart realizes what my head already does...

"So we were an accident. You'll always be my favorite one..."

The song about you will never be written. As long as this feeling lasts, and as long as I try, I'll never be able to put it into words. I feel that's always been my greatest flaw as a songwriter. I can never take the biggest, most devastating, influential moments in my life and turn them into songs. I write about little things that in grand scheme of things, mean little to nothing. So, no I'll probably never get rich or famous for my songwriting, and no, I'll probably never write a song about how you make me feel.




Thanks for reading.

My thought for the day/potential start of a new song:

"It's days like today that make me want to bury you up to your neck in my front yard and run you over with my lawn mower..."

"Then when it all goes to hell, will you be able to tell me 'sorry' with a straight face?"

What is it about me that causes nearly every encounter I have with other humans to turn out negatively? What ruins possible friendships? Why am I drawn to people that are not interested in getting to know me at all, that wish not to become my friend? Where do I have to go and what do I have to do to find interesting, fun people that think I'm interesting and fun? What gives? What the fuck!? Enough questions, I'm shutting off.


Thanks for reading... I guess.

"Cause we can't go back now..."

I think one of the most difficult parts of all this is the realization that we never fit together. Sure, we were good with each other and in some ways, I think, good for each other, but what does that amount too, really? Socially, we associate with completely different crowds and have completely different expectations of people. I see now that this one simple fact led to numerous disagreements, arguments, and misunderstandings. I guess it really is the little things...


Thanks for reading.