The things that have happened to me recently have opened my eyes. Wide. They've changed me, set me on a life path that I couldn't have dreamed of a year ago, and put things in my future that are incredibly exciting. With that said, the obstacles in the way have sort of left me stuck right where I am for a while, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just given me alot of time to think. Whether that is good or bad is really not up to me I suppose.
What is love? Where does it come from? Does it have a finite beginning and ending point? Who knows, really? I'm burnt out with the idea actually. Love is such a funny word. It translates to 8 different words in Arabic. It has too many meanings for just one word. I'll always believe in a brotherly love between all humans that can rise up and take out any foe. That love will never die in me, regardless of how much the general public wears on me. But this love that consists of two people who were set on the same path, this romantic love, I don't think I can believe in it nor fight for it any longer. Talking to a close friend about this recently, I realized that outside of my near-death car accident, every major catastrophic moment in my life has been a result of aforementioned 'love.' Emotional breakdown, depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies... call me emo, but it's the fucking truth. Well, I will no longer allow such false hopes and strong emotion get in the way of what's best for me. I'm not going to alter my life in any way just to get hurt. Just to watch someone move on and take off and leave me wondering if the plans made were ever a good idea in the first place. In a nutshell, I'm basically a lone wolf now. I refuse to ever believe that I can't do better on my own. I refuse to think that I need someone, but really isn't that what this love essentially is? A need? A longing? I will long no more.
"There is no love, just appetite, and its consequences keep you up at night. Well, appetite is lust at best, and it's up to us to figure out the rest."
Thanks for reading.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
"You guys might not know this but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one man wolfpack. But when my sister brought Doug home I knew he was one of my own. And my wolfpack, it grew by one. So there were two of us in the wolfpack. I was alone first in the pack and then Doug joined in later. And 6 months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys I thought, wait a second, could it be. And now I know for sure that I just added two guys to my wolfpack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast."
ReplyDeleteDallas,
ReplyDeleteTHIS deserves a hug... I have no idea what you're experiencing right now, but I have had similar feelings.