"Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year..."

So, I'm aware that it's been a few months since my last post. Let's get back up to speed: quit my job, left Boone, moved home, got old job back. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing. I want to make music more than anything. It's all I can think about when I ask myself, "What do you want to do with your life?" There are so few left. Everyone's either sold out, given up, or sort of overmatured and become so pretentious I can't stand to talk to them about music, much less play it with them. It's a difficult passion to have in present times.

In other news, I've finally realized that I am a completely unique person. My days of trying to be something or someone I'm not are pretty much put to rest. I don't always like who I am, but I definitely always love it. Sort of in a "love-hate relationship" sort of way... for lack of better terminology. I hate that saying.

I just feel like somthing's about to break. Maybe I'm about to find what makes me happy or maybe I'm about to give up and settle for something that I don't absolutely hate but don't really, truly love. Stay tuned to find out.



Thanks for reading.

"Vienna waits for You"

I reached a landmark the other day. Through all my musical ventures in life, I've never experienced the beauty and majesty of listening to music on vinyl LPs. A few days ago, I purchased my first turntable. I still need to invest in a nice set of speakers to accompany it, but once I do, my first vinyl LP listening experience will be Billy Joel's "The Stranger." I'm extremely excited. Hope everyone is doing well!

Thanks for reading.

Thought this was worth a post.

Aerosmith to settle lawsuit with Maui performance
AP, Apr 27, 2009 6:13 am PDT
Free tickets to see Aerosmith in Hawaii? Dream on, unless you happen to be one of 8,300 people left in the cold when the band canceled a sold-out concert in 2007.
Aerosmith has agreed to perform on Maui to settle a class-action lawsuit filed by fans who alleged the band pulled out of the show in favor of a larger concert in Chicago and a more lucrative private performance for Toyota dealers on Oahu.
The suit claimed the cancellation cost Maui ticket buyers between $500,000 and $3 million in travel costs, handling fees and other expenses.
"Everyone who bought a ticket to the original concert will receive a free ticket, and all out-of-pocket expenses will be reimbursed regardless of the amount," said Brandee Faria, an attorney representing the would-be concertgoers.
The date for the new Maui concert has not been set, but Faria said it will likely be in September or October, after Aerosmith wraps up its North America tour.
Aerosmith attorney Jay Handlin said the band was glad to reach the settlement.
"The band is about the music," Handlin said. "So they are glad to be able to resolve this in a way that really focuses on connecting or reconnecting the people of Hawaii with the band and its music."

"Tonight the headphones will deliver you the words that I can't say..."

Bands you need to check out:
Bayside - an old favorite, but it never hurts to remind you.

Death in the Park - Hot Rod Circuit frontman Andy Jackson's new band. Very tasty.

Us - My friend Thomas's newest project. He is (and they are) very talented and has important things to say musically. So, LISTEN TO US!!!

As always, let me know what you're listening to these days. I'm always looking for fresh sounds to add to my library of noise!!

Thanks for reading!!

"Many times I wonder how much there is to know..."

Isn't it glorious when things work out? When loose ends come together, dreams come true, hard work pays off? When there's a light at the end of the tunnel? When you know the 'best that is yet to come' is here? When you want nothing more than what you've got?

"So cling to what you know, and never let go..."

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. Probably seems longer than it has been. Alot has happened/is happening.

As of Saturday morning at 5:38am, I'm sober. I told myself I'd do it and I did. I was a little shocked it came this soon, but I woke up, walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and poored it all out. Every drop. It's not easy, but it's what needs to be done.

My feelings about the future have shifted slightly from fear to excitement. Some new oppurtunities are coming about and some things are seeming much clearer than they have in a while. There is of course, still some fears, but they are ceasing little by little everyday. Hopefully this will continue.

That's all I really know to say. Alot going on upstairs, but most of it is still too jumbled up to put into words. More to come later.

Thanks for reading.

"I'm sure the view from Heaven beats the Hell out of mine here..."

I got a nosebleed in the shower yesterday. Seemingly forgettable occurence for most, but for me, everytime this happens, it's almost horrific.

Some background info: when I was growing up, for the first few years of elementary school before I transferred schools in 4th grade, my best friend was Sam Hudson. Sam and I spent most of our weekends hanging out and most of our school nights on the phone talking about all the things that were meaningful to two boys in the 3rd grade. After I moved schools, Sam and I grew apart. Sadly, he got mixed up in a lot of stuff that ended up leading to his demise. Sam was genuine. He never led you on to believe anything other than what was really going on. He was one Hell of a friend. Anytime I needed anything, and sometimes when I didn't, Sam and his beautiful family were there.
When we were in High School, Sam's dad, Mike, shot himself at the top of the stairs at their home. I was floored. Mike was Sam's hero. To my knowledge, until the day he died, Sam wore his dad's old dog tags. Sam used to show off Mike's purple heart with so much pride. He glowed when he talked about it. I cried when I saw it laying in Mike's coffin. The morning of that funeral, my nose bled in the shower.
About a year or two ago, I got even worse news: Sam tragically died in a car accident. He hit a tree. Alcohol was involved. Although we didn't keep in touch anymore, I knew Sam was crushed when Mike died. He was never the same. He fell deeper into oblivion. I'm not condoning anything Sam did, because it was wrong, but the poor kid never really had a fighting chance. His story is tragic. I couldn't make it to his funeral, partially because of work and partially because I didn't really think I could put myself through it. I'm getting choked up just typing about it. Sam's mother, Gay, is a saint. She's one of the most amazing people I've ever met. To this day, everytime I see her, she stops me, asks how I'm doing, listens intently to how I'm doing, and gives me a hug. She's an amazing woman and she's been through too much pain, but keeps on smiling.
The day after I found out about Sam, my nose bled in the shower.


Thanks for reading.

"You came along just like a song..."

This is just hilarious! enjoy!


WELLINGTON, New Zealand – It'll be Barry Manilow versus the mall rats. The New Zealand city of Christchurch hopes that putting the American crooner's smooth and gentle tones into the mix of music to be broadcast through the central mall district can pacify unruly teens who congregate there_ or at least convince them to go elsewhere.
"The intention is to change the environment in a positive way ... so nobody feels threatened or intimidated," Central City Business Association manager Paul Lonsdale told The Associated Press. "I did not say Barry Manilow is a weapon of mass destruction."
A group of several dozen young people regularly spread rubbish, spray graffiti, get intoxicated, use drugs, swear and intimidate patrons at the outdoor mall, he said.
The city council, police and local property owners covering 410 businesses agree that "nice, easy listening" music like Manilow's "Can't Smile Without You," "Mandy" and other hits might change the behavior of loitering teens.
But one 16-year-old told The Press newspaper that unfashionable music wouldn't deter them.
"We would just bring a stereo and play it louder," Emma Belcher said.
Lonsdale countered that the city would then hit them with anti-noise laws.

"I don't sleep, I dream."

So, in my dreams last night, I:

- watched my parents get divorced.
-got pulled over in Tennessee because they were looking for a murderer who apparently was from the same county as me and/or had a similar car. Atleast the cops bought me Chick fila to make up for it.
- told a girl I don't even really know in real life to get out of my house because she insulted my brother somehow. Then met her parents as she was leaving.

.. and that's just what I remember. weiiird night of sleep.

thanks for reading.

"My hope dangles on a string like slow spinning redemption..."

There is no greater feeling in this world than redemption... to suddenly rediscover self-love and self-worth... to remember why you love just being yourself, why you love waking up everyday and getting to live your life. Vindicated.



Thanks for reading.

Vindicated

"... I am selfish. I am wrong. I am right. I swear I'm right; swear I knew it all along, and I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well. I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself..."

"I'm s-i-c-k of my meaningless life where c-h-a-n-c-e-s pass me by. This is r-e-a-l-i-t-y."

It figures that as soon as I get back from a lovely vacation, I feel like this again.

"And now I know how Joan of Arc felt as the flames rose to her Roman nose and her Walkman started to melt..."

For those who are not aware, I'm in Mississippi for a few days. I made the 10+ hour drive yesterday and will be here until Wednesday morning.

It's great to see Sara. It had been far too long. The weather here is gorgeous. Nothing like the blustery, cold Boone weather.

So far, the only eventful thing I've done is eaten at a local restaurant. It was DELICIOUS! I had a local brew, Abita's Purple Haze. I'd had it before, but there's nothing like drinking a local brew with very few miles on it. For dinner I had delicious crab meat wontons as an appetizer and zydeco chicken as my meal. It was delicious; one of the best dining experiences I've had overall really. Today we'll be heading to Ocean Springs, where her boyfriend lives, and more importantly, where the beach is! More updates to come!

Thanks for reading!

"Do I have to fall asleep with Roses in my Hands?"

I heard two songs today that hit home. I connected with them especially today because of the feelings I've had lately. The first was "Audrey, Start the Revolution" by Anberlin, and the second was "Dreaming With a Broken Heart" by John Mayer.

It's funny how music hits you. It hits you when you need it most. It gives you comfort when you feel like no one else in the world has every felt quite what you're feeling. It gives you strength; gives you wings. It makes the fact that life is completely impossible to comprehend a little bit more comprehendible.

This is why music was my first true love.

thanks for reading.

"I liked Reality better when it was a Dream"

I think too much. The more I think about things, the more fanatical I get with the scenarios and situations I make up in my head. It's ridiculous. I have absolutely no grounds for thinking these things. No evidence, no cause, no rationale or reason. It's stupid. It makes me worry. It makes me sick. It turns me into what I am right now, the past couple days. I don't like it and I want it gone. AAAHHH!!!!

"There is no love, just appetite, and its consequences keep you up at night..."

Last night after I finally built up the courage to come home and be alone, I wrote down all the things I wanted to say. They just seemed perfect at the time. I don't know if those are the things I'll say later today, so I'm saying them now, like this.

I doubted that you cared about me, and I don't know why. It's obvious you do. I guess it was just my own insecurities.
This is a good thing for both of us because we're not ready for this, but I hope this didn't ruin everything for good because if we ever are ready for this, it will be great. I think that was really the scary part.
I love you. I don't need you to say it back, I don't even need you to feel the same way. I just need to get it off my chest because it true and from the bottom of my heart.
I want to keep you close to my heart. I want to be there for you and vice versa. I need someone close to me to stay a constant in my life.
You mean alot to me. I want to trust you and know it's always okay to call you and never feel like I'm a bother or I'm extra stress.



Thanks for reading.

"Some people never will go crazy, what horrible lives they must lead.."

I just have to get this off of my chest.

I get it. I'm pathetic. I'm a fuck up. I've ruined every intimate relationship I've ever had with anyone, romantic or otherwise. I'm scared to death I'll do the same thing now. It makes me panic. It makes me do things I wouldn't normally do. Fear is a tough thing to fight, but I'm fighting.... tooth and nail, I'm fighting.

I want this, and I'm not about to let my brain get in the way of it. I'll be damned.

"We only do it for the scars and stories, not the fame."

(From Paste Magazine)

Six Reasons Why Fall Out Boy Does Not Suck as Much as You Think
By
Nick Marino on February 4, 2009 8:45 AM Permalink Comments (63)
In fact, they don't suck at all.
One of the most unfairly maligned bands in all the land, Fall Out Boy is despised for such sins as getting really popular and having a glammy showboat playing bass. At least one reviewer pouted that the band's addictive new album Folie a Deux, is too ambitious. Oh, please. Does anyone say that about Radiohead or Animal Collective, or any of the sanctified indie saints? Ambition is good. Ambition means you're trying. Ambition means you have ideas and want them to get a public airing (which is pretty much the essence of the creative impulse), so let's all take a deep breath and stop slapping around a band that's smarter and more fun than a lot of people are willing to admit.
Fall Out Boy deserves a break from the hateration for the following reasons:
1) Folie a Deux is outstanding. It has 13 songs, 10 of which are keepers. Two of the other three tracks (the late-album filler "W.A.M.S." and "West Coast Smoker") have interesting moments. The only song I really hate is the single, "I Don't Care," which says more about the state of the rock-singles market than it does about the state of this album. Top to bottom, it's loaded with smart, hooky anthems. If you, the rock 'n' roll fan, can't get behind "Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes," "Closers" or "20 Dollar Nose Bleed," something is wrong.

2) They have great taste in collaborators. Would Lil Wayne and Elvis Costello have agreed to guest on Folie a Deux if the band was so awful?
3) They're funny. They have a song called "Coffee's for Closers," a Glengarry Glen Ross reference that shouldn't be lost on the sanctimonious pop culture priests that worship David Mamet but think Pete Wentz is juvenile. Their new album cover features a picture of a boy in a bear suit carrying an actual bear on his back. Their video for "Thanks Fr Th Mmrs" allows chimpanzees to mercilessly mock the band, subtly sending up the idea that Fall Out Boy is so terrible, even a monkey can do better.
4) Bass-playing lyricist Wentz, whom we are supposed to hate because he's in love with lip-syncher Ashlee Simpson, is a charismatic guy, which is not as cool as being a sulky shoegazing tortured genius.
5) They're fair to their fans. When Folie a Deux came out, they made it available as a $3.99 download on their MySpace page. So much for major-label bands being slaves to their corporate masters. It's hard to think of Fall Out Boy as profiteering sellouts when they're selling their new album at a cut-rate price. (Yeah, they were probably selling it so cheap because that's what it's worth! Good one!)
6) They're an increasingly rare breed—that is, a massively popular rock band. Quick: Name three other American rock bands with members under 30 years old that can headline arenas Can't do it? Try naming two. How about one?

"I tried drinking nights away, but it just brought on longer days and blackouts."

Alcohol. It's like my tragic flaw. I gave up cigarettes without a fight. I gave up marijuana much the same. Why is there such an inner struggle when it comes to quitting drinking?

Earlier tonight, I went to a super bowl gathering with Jara. She had to drive us home, and honestly, I don't remember anything after we pulled in the parking lot. I came to at 1am. I missed the whole second half of the game and she was gone, of course.
I paniced. Like I had passed out and something monumental had happened in the meantime. Actually, typing this blog is part of the calming down process just so I can go to bed and sleep tonight. It's not good. It's not what I want.

One day, I'll wake up, open my fridge, and pour it all out.

Thanks for reading.

"What you think I just got lucky, didn't work for this shit?"

Your new addiction: Hollywood Undead

-hip hop meets hardcore
-they wear masks
-they're from LA and are really into the West Coast thing, so they have lyrics very similar to 2pac.

I know. I didn't think those elements together sounded very good at first either. But it's actually really really good. pick up their debut "Swan Songs," get in the car, and cruise. It's a good CD.

Thanks for reading.

"I Always believed in futures, hoped for better than November..."

I recently have started better organizing/cleaning up my music library. For those who don't know, I've lost considerable amounts of music twice in my life; once by CD theft and again by computer crash. So, my collection, athough still broad and vast, is not near what it could be. I had some jumbled, random mix CDs that people made for me with tracks by blink-182 and Jimmy Eat World on them. These tracks remained unnamed in my library up until this week. I looked up each unnamed song by lyrics, put it on the correct album, in the correct order, and downloaded the songs to complete certain albums. It's really helped me reconnect with both groups. They were very important musical pieces in my childhood and now I can look back with a clearer view of life and a more in depth view of music and its pieces and see why. It's nice. An expereience that I'm sure to cherish for some time. Happy Thursday!


Thanks for reading!

"One night and one more time..."

I'll spare the details, but last night was pretty amazing. I'm sparing details mainly because I'm pretty much rendered speechless...


Thanks for reading!

"I can't can't wait 'till you see see see what death and disgust have done to me..."

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. There is a way, not necesserily a plan, but a way that things are supposed to go. The Universe knows what it's doing. One of the hardest struggles of being human is the need, the longing to understand. everything. We try to comprehend things that are far beyond our grasp.

So today, when I realized that the reason for something very momentous in my past probably had absolutely nothing to do with me, that I was a not so innocent bystander in the whole situation, it was one of the strangest and most difficult to swallow epiphanies of all time. That was also probably the longest single sentence of all time.


Stay warm! and thanks for reading!

"I fell in to yesterday..."

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I haven't had much to say, or rather, I haven't known how to put any of it into words. I still don't really.

Sharing music from your personal collection with someone you care alot about is pretty fun. If you ever get the oppurtunity to make someone a small sample of your musical taste, give it a shot. It's a pretty neat experience.

That's all I've really got today. Thanks for reading anyways!

"Strike us like matches 'cause everyone deserves the flames..."

I just have to get this off my chest:
It wasn't distrust, just misunderstanding.




I'm sorry.

"I will paint you in silver. I will wrap you in cold..."

Two things today.

1st, I complain about Winter and cold and snow and ice, etc. I don't really care for it. I prefer warm weather. Mostly due to driving. Winter tried to kill me. You'd hate it too. With that said; however, the snow is truly beautiful. Especially in a quiet little mountain town like Boone. True beauty; something this world is lacking.

2nd, two albums for you to go check out if you haven't already. 1) the obvious: Fall Out Boy's "Folie a deux." 2) the not-so obvious: Kanye West's "808s and Heartbreak." It's no secret I've been a huge supporter of Fall Out Boy for their entire exsistence as a band. Their newest release fits nicely into their body of work and touches on some topics they have yet to attack. Now, I've never liked Kanye West and have never made any buts about it. "Stronger," the highly popular single from his last release, "Graduation" caught my attention, but I gave all the credit to Daft Punk, who he sampled heavily on the track. I'm sorry Kanye. "808s..." is an incredible pop disc in an era when said incredible pop discs are a rarity. So check both those out and have a wonderful day! Oh, and if anyone is listening to anything that they would like to share with me, please do so!

Thanks for reading.

"Look what I've Built. It shines so beautifully. Now watch as it destroys me..."

So I had a bit of an epiphany today. I've not been myself lately. I've been (albeit unintentional and somewhat subconciously) trying to be someone I'm not. It's strange. This is not a problem I have very often... or ever really. I guess there is a lot of new in my life. New people, new ideas, new feelings. It's just hard to maintain sometimes when so much is changing. I'm vowing from this point on; however, to be myself.

Funny thing. I said the best part of you was that I was comfortable being myself. Which I was at first. I remember it very vividly. I guess why I've been weird the past few days. I haven't been myself. That ends today. No more worries. No more precautions. Worry and precaution breed regret. And regret, my dear friends, is the opposite of me: the anti-Dallas, if you will.

Thanks for reading!

My Video of the Week - "Fuck you all. This is the last song of the evening."

Nirvana - "Where Did You Sleep Last Night"

"I Fell Head Over Heels into My Grave..."

The weather in Boone kind of matches my life right now. One minute it can be sunny and warm and pleasant. Then, you turn around and it's freezing cold, windy, and snowing. Every second can change the entire face of exsistence. That's how I've felt lately. I've been dwelling on the little things (more so than usual) and even the meaningless things. It's strange, but I'm sure it will pass.

I have the day off today. I've got a few things to do, but I think I'm going to do alot of relaxing and meditating today. Seems like a good day to do so.

Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for reading.